you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
