Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
