dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
