I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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