Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
