i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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