the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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