I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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