I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Less talking, more tequila
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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