I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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