Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
