he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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