I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize