My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
the gays at disneyland are vicious
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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