final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
