I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
