Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
