This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
