the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You ruined the universe
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
