Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
