My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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