Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
