I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So. Much. Porn.
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