i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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