Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
