I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
