Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
