i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
