you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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