i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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