Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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