Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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