I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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