i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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