youre lurking in front of me
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
