Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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