the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
