bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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