She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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