Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she smelled like a LAN party
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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