Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
