I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
