I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What a dumb baby whore.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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