he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
