people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
