Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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