Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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