i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
