You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
