Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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