No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
