sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
