2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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