I want to have your abortion
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
