I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
