She said her name was "party"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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