Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
