So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
