Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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