Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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