I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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