Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
