This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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