i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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