Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just forgot I was standing up.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
