We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
