I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
