I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
