im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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