Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
