Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
