do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
