dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
