I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
