Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize