You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
