thus making me awesome and them whores
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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