my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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